That’s how I feel. There is nothing really holding me here, no big reason to stay. Don’t bother saying family, I’ve tried taking to my parents several times today (nothing serious just a simple idea or thought) and they walk right by me without even acknowledging that I even said anything. My sister says she loves me, randomly between all of the curses and put-downs she throws at me constantly.

And then I think I’m mad at God right now. I’m not exactly sure about what right now, actually I know why I’m just not sure I’m ready to publish it.

I’ve even looked past how ornery all the little kids were last night and just want one of my own. Maybe because of what they represent, the fact that I’d have a husband to talk to who I can listen to and he can listen to me.

I just wish I didn’t always feel like a hindrance and a bother.